Here Come The Mummies: post-humpday
Photos by: Dianna Augustine
On Thursday, March 3, Neighborhood Theatre opened their crypt to the public, and out came these mummies, and everyone was screaming “Here Come The Mummies,” and everyone was so… happy! Some kind of ancient magic must have been working on these people that got them to move the way they they did, jerking and jiving and trying to figure out what to do next before dying. We even got footage of a couple ladies gettin’ low. We had never seen them live before, Dianna and I, but as the gnostic darkness overtook the crowd, we were sucked into the innuendo, hilarity, and really fucking good music.
People were still filing into the venue when a fight broke loose; something to do with a guy in a hat, with a beer, and an attitude thinking another fella was ‘jumping him’… We’re not sure what happened, but Neighborhood Theatre staff made sure the house lights came up, and the guy got out. Everyone cheered! Hooray for venue staff! Back to the event at hand, though.
Before we get ahead of ourselves, we can never overlook the musicians who open for the main act. I don’t give a shit who you are, if you weren’t there for Laura Reed originally, let’s just say it was easy to convert. Easy on the lens and even better on the ear, she performed her sassy heart out in the only way that a funky/bluesy diva can.
I think it’s always a bit of a worry that an opener might not be ‘as good’ as the top of the bill, but I hope that we change that presumption, and with artists like Laura Reed and company, it looks like a slippery slope. (Shoutout to the drummer who looked like an even more dashing Cumberbatch [and an additional shoutout to the bassist; you know it’s funky when the bassist looks like he smells something stanky.])
The newest release from Reed is entitled The Awakening, but I am setting some time aside for a listening party for her entire discography. After showing some love to Muddy Waters with a cover, she was off, and I think she joined us all for what HCTM was to bring.
(We had to get into the undead spirit of things.)
When we first covered Here Come The Mummies, there were some very curious questions that came up among the staff:
“Why are they dressed like mummies?”
“Why do they sing about weiner men and sexy sex, not just sex?”
“Why are they wearing a ‘cowbelt’ as seen here: Cowbelt or Codpiece?”
When we heard that the identities of the 10 members was kept ‘under wraps’, then we were dying to find out who strums out these killer grooves with brass, drums and riffs.
Heard through the catacombs:
“He just knocked my hat off! I’ve been here since seven! You’re just gonna kick me out?!” -Rowdy fella
“Our boss at Thomas Street Tavern had us all come out to see these guys, said they’re so good!” -TST employee
“One time my husband got on stage and put the cowbelt on!” -Lucky lady
“Why do mummies wear shoes?” -Foot-fetishist
“Did The Pole quit?” -Speculative fan
While they hopped their catalogue, skipped through the biggest hits, and dry-humped their way into everyone’s hearts, we were busy trying to catch some of the crowd showing their love the way only HCTM fans seem to: dancing.
— Molly Shores (@JFHire) March 4, 2016
There were middle-aged men tastefully grinding their significant-others, bros dancing like ladies might for Gaga, and some of the naughtiest ladies in the city flailing scarves, shaking their bits, and not giving even one shit (this great crowd was probably 50% to blame for such a great show).
Heard from the photo-pit… of doom:
“Do my wraps smell like flowers, cause this will not stand – where is da funk?” Mummy suffering from BOO-utiful flower smell.
“I think I’m pregnant with a mummette already and the show hasn’t even started yet!” Slutty-fan
“Stage right is my baby’s daddy I’m totally here for the child support and to finally learn his real name.” Angry lady
“Do mummies show up on the lens, wait that would be vampires that don’t right? —- yeah cause I vamp-hunt on the daily!” Curious hammered fan
“How long have you been with the band, one of them is Elvis, isn’t it?!?’ – Confused person, *gyrates hips*
“You’re blocking my view of my fave mummy!” – clearly an ant sized fan (I’m 5ft for goodness sake!)
“I only want a selfie, if it’s with his crotch!” — a fan that knows whats up!
I know that I have yet to outline what they played, how they played, and what it felt like. The thing is, if you have half a mind, you’re already listening to the playlist above, and I assure you they’re even better live.
In addition, I can’t put into words how great a live, fun concert experience is. Think of the BEST show you’ve ever been to, and then rub a ‘lil’ funk on it, and then wrap it all up in some sweaty gauze.
If I took one thing away from this show, it has to be that there is a new rise in music happening right under our noses. From well-known artists like Sia, to HCTM, to Tupperware Remix Party, the mystery of music is coming back. By know we all know who the members of KISS are, and Slipknot’s Wikipedia article is pretty revealing; what’s wrong with mystery? I hope that more artists embrace this mystery, because if there’s one thing very apparent from these performers, it’s that they have an obscene amount of fun with the influx of energy.
Molly’s Speculation Corner:
Mummy Cass: Janis Joplin
Eddie Mummy: Keith Moon
Spaz Mummy: Elvis
Mummy Rah: Notorious B.I.G.
The Flu: Frank Zappa
Midnight Mummy: Lars Gullin
K.W. Tut: Jaco Pastorius
Thing 1 (black robed mummy): Doctor Suess
Thing 2 (black robed mummy): Doctor Who
Dianna’s Speculation Corner:
Mummy Cass: Adam Levine
Eddie Mummy: Keith Moon – I’m sticking to this, just so good!
Spaz Mummy: Johnny Depp because you know he’s in every band now.
Mummy Rah: Tupac
The Flu: Corey Feldman, he has time– we all know how well his Michael Jackson cover band is going.
Midnight Mummy: El Debarge, he’s got that rhythm of the night.
K.W. Tut: Austin Powers – yeah baby!
Thing 1 (black robed mummy)- Bernie Sanders -’cause he can get funky and campaign telepathically with the room all night long.
Thing 2 (black robed mummy)- Fiona Apple Because the robe hides the breast. and while most of her tours are followed by colossal break-downs, or during, that are very politically charged (as seen here) she wants to have some actual fun and be around successful-peaceful FUN musicians.
Runner-up speculations –
Thing 1 (black robed mummy) – Brendan Fraser -’cause let’s all face it he peaked with The Mummy movie and he’s trying to vicariously live through HCTM’s fame.
Thing 2 (black robed mummy) – Kevin Bacon – you know everything is just a certain degree of separation with him.
If you think this band is new, they’re not. They’ve been around since 2002, and considering their mysterious aspect, they switch out members with whoever isn’t taking a dirt-nap at the time. They have over half a dozen releases, and there’s an addictive quality to their live performances. Follow them on their current tour-dates seen below, and see what the hell they did to our Twitter feed on March 3. Be careful with your password folks, the undead have some kinda talent at hacking.
Full gallery can be seen here.